Psalm 38:17 For I am about to fall and my pain is ever with me...
First day of my grief support group:
-Describe your pain:
My pain is real. I found the love of my lifetime in Mike. He had a beautiful soul. I miss him and I want him back! It hurts! I miss our talks, our walks, and even our quiet times when we were just being close.
-At what times does your pain feel the deepest? :
Late at night (bedtime) and first thing in the morning. I lay down in bed with Mike and held his hand which was very cold and I knew then we did not have much time. When I woke in the morning his breathing was shallow, he was gone a few minutes later. I sat with him and cried. I knew it was for the best. I had told him to let go but I lied, I did not want Mike to leave. I wanted him to stay and share his love, his company, his voice, his hands...I wanted TIME!!! I felt cheated!
-Who have you shared your emotions with? :
I have shared my emotions with close friends and counselors but I cannot tell each person all I feel, so they only get pieces of me. Only God Knows all that I keep secret and I whisper into the darkness at night when no one else is around.
I used the Grief Group for a short while but I was so young (36) and they were all so much older that I could not relate. I am not being mean in saying this, but they were going to be reunited with their loves soon...I have such a long time to wait until I can see him again...