Letters cont.

These are letters that I wrote to Mike in the months following his death (06/14/10)...

9/9/10~

Dear Mike,

I am sorry for my depression. I know these feelings would let you down and I don't want to hurt you. Our relationship was a blessing in my life. You grew me like a garden; you tended to me, pulled up the weeds, and made me beautiful. You were the gardener of my soul. I became a beautiful woman in your care. I came to you as a confused child and you changed me for the better. You knew my hurt and my pains; you saw my scars inside and out. None of that scared you away; you stayed with me through thick and thin.

Because of that, I was able to be there when you needed me the most. That was my blessing. To be able to care for you and support you in your time of pain and need. I held your hand and helped you through. You are the love of my life. We transcended all levels of love and intimacy I never knew existed. You always said God sent me to you, that I was your angel. Today I can believe that. I'm sad and angry but it comes and goes.

I really wanted to die without you, to be with you again. But I know you would want me to go on and I will try to fight the battle for you because I love you and I know you would want me to live.